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SnookiPunch.com

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 16:32:19 -0500

For Jersey Shore punching .gif action on demand.

Open Letter to ABC re: A Charlie Brown Christmas

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 10:50:43 -0500

TO: ABC
FROM: Leon Lynn
RE: Desecration of “A Charlie Brown Christmas”
12/8/09

Dear ABC,

How could you?

For years and years I have awaited the network broadcast of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” as the true herald of the holiday season. I brought my kids up with the same tradition — one which has been made no less special for us by the fact that they happen to be Jewish.

Tonight we sat in horror and watched what you have done to the single greatest cartoon ever made.

How many minutes did you cut out of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” so you could run more commercials?

Gone was Sally’s materialistic letter to Santa, which finally sends Charlie screaming from the room when she says she will settle for 10s and 20s.

Gone was Schroeder’s miraculous multiple renditions of “Jingle Bells” from a toy piano, including the one that sounds distinctly like a church organ.

Gone was Linus using his blanket as an improvised slingshot to knock a can off the fence no one else can hit, complete with ricochet sound effect.

Gone were the kids catching snowflakes on their tongues and commenting on their flavor.

Gone even was poor Shermy’s only line. He thought he had it bad because he was always tasked to play a shepherd. He had no idea.

And why were all these classic scenes cut? To plug more ads into the show, of course. To sell burgers and greeting cards — and to relentlessly plug the insipid-looking new Disney “soon to be a classic” show immediately following. (I didn’t watch the new show, by the way. I was laid far too low by what had just happened.)

Cramming all of these ads into the 30-minute broadcast of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” required major edits to a cartoon that has spent 44 years now trying to remind us that Christmas is supposed to transcend crass commercialism.

Do you have no sense of irony?

A couple of weeks ago I noted that you can now buy a plastic replica of the pathetic little real-wood Christmas tree Charlie Brown brings home from the tree lot otherwise monopolized by shiny fake trees. I thought we had sunk as low as we could.

Obviously I was wrong.

Oh, and by the way: The sound was half a second behind the picture: They were not synched properly. I thought this was pretty sloppy for a major TV network, but I was willing to look past it.

What I cannot look past is the chopping to bits of a genuine classic, not just to pump more ads at us, but in direct conflict with the message that has made it a classic.

When I was a kid, the annual broadcast of “A Charlie Brown Christmas” was a holiday unto itself. It was the only time we ever saw ads for Dolly Madison snack cakes, for one thing. But more importantly, it actually framed the coming holiday for me in a meaningful way.

The shepherds in their fields had no corporate sponsors. Nobody had bought the naming rights for the manger. The infant Jesus did not have an endorsement deal lined up with a particular line of swaddling clothes.

Instead he came, the story goes, to preach universal love, and the abandonment of false ideals like the acquisition of gross material wealth in favor of something far more valuable.

You have not just lost sight of this, or turned your backs on it. You have stomped it into the mud.

You should be ashamed of yourselves.

But I bet you aren’t. I bet you’re way past that.

Count my family out for next year.

Sincerely,

Leon Lynn

via Muskrat John Special thanks to Wex

Joe Says: Wow. Corporate America at it’s worst. I hope the guy that ok’d that feels karmaic wrath.

I had no idea that’d happened. I was just telling my wife (who hasn’t seen Charlie Brown Christmas) how it’s one of my favorite movies, and I play the soundtrack pretty much nonstop during the holidays.

Hearing all of that bothers me in a way I can’t explain.

Jeff Mangum Releases New Song (It's a Cover)

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 17:17:14 -0500

Jeff Mangum Releases New Song (It's a Cover):

I can’t remember a shorter time I went from having heard about a song to paying a full dollar for it. I think from seeing a news headline to clicking purchase on iTunes was about a half a minute.

I’m not familiar with Tall Dwarfs, Chris Knox, or “Sign the Dotted Line,” but it’s a decent 2:10 worth of music for a good cause.

Two thoughts on this photo of Terry Gilliam and Lily Cole at the...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 16:22:30 -0500

Two thoughts on this photo of Terry Gilliam and Lily Cole at the premiere of The Imaginarium of Dr. Parnassus (beyond the knee-jerk “holy crap Lily Cole is hot” reaction. I’m getting intellectual and shit here, guys).

I can’t wait to see this movie.
Mini-Gilliam made his directorial debut with this film.

jamiew: The Boxee Box. (via courtneyc) I want this thing in my...

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 12:13:29 -0500

jamiew:

The Boxee Box.

(via courtneyc)

I want this thing in my living room.

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-12-6)

Tue, 08 Dec 2009 10:18:33 -0500

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-12-6):

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

think indie gaming is over

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 11:57:45 -0500

rpgsbebroke:

last yr was ‘the year of the indie’. not sure what that means rlly except 4 that i had to play that one that was like about goin backwards to your gf and save her from the atom bomb. forget what that one was called.

had 2 play one about junk pixels.

had 2 play a lot of games about goo

every1 said these were ‘meaningful’ and that this year alot more indies would happen and bring down ‘the system’

howver yalls as you notice no indie games came out this year. then it turns out the one about pixels was a FAKE INDIE

feel dissilusioned

kinda sad abt indies bein a ‘fad’ but its ok cause i didnt really ‘get it’ newayz lol

would u rather have:

fl0wer 2 or ff7 remake?

i think u know what id pick lol!

totes FF7 remake! LOLZ!

wut abt bit.trip tho? wii is more than “2 gcube’s duck-taped 2gether.”

Apparently all of my friends know these guys and I’m...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 11:11:30 -0500

Apparently all of my friends know these guys and I’m clueless because I don’t… anyway - Mystery Team’s a solidly funny film that absolutely needs to get picked up.

I was a bit hesitant after the trailer that it’d be another case of a comedy having an amazing first half hour that gets boring as the second and third acts roll around, but they’ve managed to make these three overgrown kid detectives into genuinely funny and likable characters. Plus, I’m a sucker for poo and vomit jokes.

It’s playing at Quad Cinema, and you can click here for tickets. The guys from Derrick Comedy are doing Q/As for each show in NYC, but for anyone else around the country, they’ve been touring it around so check it out while it’s in town.

frankhejl: Catching up on Venture Bros. Continued… Also a...

Mon, 07 Dec 2009 08:44:18 -0500

frankhejl:

Catching up on Venture Bros. Continued…

Also a reference to Brian Eno and Here Come The Warm Jets?

Eno was even shown in his Roxy Music get up!

Man, I love this show.

I’m referring to the episode Revenge Society. The Self-Medication episode was pretty sweet too.

I’m ready for Adult Swim to post lastnight’s episode so I can watch it already!

I haven’t really seen much of Venture Bros, but I get the feeling I’d probably love it. Eno references make me get that feeling even more.

That said, because of this post “Needles In the Camel’s Eye” is now blaring, but I didn’t need much provocation in the first place.

Best song ever? Best song ever.

What do you say we make apple juice and fax it to each other?

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 15:52:43 -0500

What do you say we make apple juice and fax it to each other?

Fez Demos EP. Go here to download for free.

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:45:16 -0500

Fez Demos EP.

Go here to download for free.

digsyfinallyhasa: sherrypop: Great song. What happened to...

Thu, 03 Dec 2009 15:15:54 -0500

digsyfinallyhasa:

sherrypop:

Great song. What happened to these guys?

fuckyeahrocknroll:

The Hives - Hate To Say I Told You So

They made two albums that are even better than that one. 2004’s “Tyrannosaurus Hives” and 2007’s “The Black & White Album” are both masterpieces in their own right, easily one of the best rock albums of their respective years. Songs from both albums are used in commercials, movie trailers, jingles, etc.

Further proof that the blogosphere is doing nothing but hurting artists who should have career longevity. Too much focus on the hot new things and not enough focus on follow up albums.

Brett just encapsulated my ranting, cynical, sputtering opinions when trying to describe why I get annoyed with buzzed about bands in two clean, concise sentences. Thanks.

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 12:08:04 -0500

What has been seen cannot be unseen.

tinycartridge: Brief video for Last Window: Midnight Promise,...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 11:26:39 -0500

tinycartridge:

Brief video for Last Window: Midnight Promise, Cing’s Hotel Dusk sequel. My apologies for the abrupt ending; I ripped this from Nintendo’s “Winter Catalogue 2009” videos for Japan, uploaded by NintenDaan.

It’s only 10 seconds of footage, but that’s 10 seconds more than we had before! What’s going on around the 00:08 second mark? Is, uh, a coin lodged in someone’s eye?

Preorder: Last Window: Mayonaka no Yakusoku

Buy: Hotel Dusk: Room 215 ($16.03)

See also: Two major additions to Hotel Dusk sequel

Hey Nintendo: don’t screw up and not put this out in the US. Thx.

The Burg.tv - Change My first summer in NYC was spent during an...

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 10:50:00 -0500

The Burg.tv - Change

My first summer in NYC was spent during an internship in 2006. As a kid who’d always been in the south since he could remember, living in a loft in Williamsburg in the summer was pretty much the coolest fucking thing ever. Somehow I discovered The Burg and was immediately hooked. Making fun of trust funders, student films, pretentious music tastes, and shitty beer - these were things I related to.

After two seasons, the show kind of fell off production and hasn’t been around for a full year or so. I just realized they’ve come out with a new episode, and I am happy with this.

Flavors.Me

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 00:01:19 -0500

Flavors.Me:

A funnel of all of my various web profiles to let you internet stalk me even easier.

THE DEVIN'S ADVOCATE: WHY BREAKING DAWN MUST BE MADE INTO A MOVIE

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 10:35:27 -0500

THE DEVIN'S ADVOCATE: WHY BREAKING DAWN MUST BE MADE INTO A MOVIE:

revgoomba:

With New Moon likely to make yet another metric fuckload of money this weekend we need to find the bright side to the entire Twilight mania. There must be something good that comes from this awful Mormon fantasy that seems to have invaded our culture on every front. That something is the eventual movie version of Breaking Dawn.

Even though New Moon has made a bazillion dollars and even though the third Twilight book, Eclipse, is already filming, Summit has declined to announce the fourth and final Twilight book as a movie. There’s a good reason for this: Breaking Dawn is completely fucking insane, and it is probably totally unfilmable. But if they do film it… man, we are in for a treat.

Breaking Dawn opens with Bella Swan, the lacteal heroine of the series, finally getting married to Edward Cullen, the mopey vampire hero. They go off to honeymoon on Isle Esme, a Brazilian island the Cullen clan owns (this is already ridiculous beyond belief. Imagine a vampire going snorkeling; it basically happens in this book), and Edward is afraid to fuck his new bride. The reason: he’s super strong and she’s just a human - Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex type of situation here. But Bella wears him down and Edward throws it in her - and knocks her the fuck out, leaving her badly bruised.
Let’s go over that again: Edward fucks Bella into unconsciousness. This alone should have you running to Fandango to pre-order your tickets, but it only gets better.

Despite being knocked out cold by his sexual style (and having the headboard destroyed), Bella goes back to Edward for seconds. This time he knocks her up. Yes, an undead vampire apparently has enough viable sperm to impregnate a human woman while fucking her off the coast of Rio de Janero. Stephenie Meyer, you fabulous idiot!
The baby in Bella’s belly starts growing incredibly fast. And it starts hurting Bella, as each kick it gives has the super strength of a vampire behind it. As it grows, Bella gets sicker, and then the good stuff starts. The baby kicks so hard it breaks Bella’s ribs and then severs her spine. Are you imagining Kristen Stewart wearing a fake pregnancy belly and pretending to have been suddenly crippled by her own fetus? Because I am and it’s making me laugh and laugh and laugh.

Oh wait, I missed something. Edward is completely freaked out about the baby, fearing it will kill Bella. He tries to convince her to get an abortion (but seriously, how could she? Vampires are tough to kill even in this shitty series), and goes so far as asking Native American wolfboy Jacob to impregnate his wife so that she can have the baby she desperately wants. I’m dizzy with how ridiculous this is, and we’re just getting started.

Eventually the baby starts to get born and Bella is dying. The baby has telepathy, by the way, so everybody can read its thoughts while it’s in the womb, and it turns out to have an essentially adult mind. Like Alia in Dune; I would accuse Stephenie Meyer of ripping this off, but anyone who thinks that Meyer might have read Frank Herbert has never been within spitting distance of Twilight. The woman is a moron.

In a moment that demands to be shown on the silver screen, Edward gives Bella an emergency C-section with his fucking teeth. It’s like something out of XTro, for the love of God. It’s so horrible it’s brilliant, and this scene alone is why I remain firm in declaring that David Cronenberg must direct Breaking Dawn. This is surely his movie.
Once the baby is out, Bella gets vamped by Edward, as she’s about to die at any moment. Then comes the most astonishing turn of events in 21st century literature, and possibly in the entire history of awful fiction aimed at tweens: Jacob the werewolf, who has been madly in love with Bella, sees the new baby girl and immediately imprints on her. What this means, in layman’s terms, is that he falls in love with the baby.

I want to pull this out on its own: Jacob falls in love with a baby.
The book makes no bones about this; while Jacob doesn’t want to fuck the baby right off the bat, he can’t stand to be away from it and visits everyday. His love has been transferred from Bella to the baby (who has the tongue shattering name Renesmee), and because of the science behind imprinting he’ll love her forever. So one day he’s going to stick his wolf dick in this girl that he see as a bloody newborn. Romance is not dead, it’s just being abused by insane Mormon writers.
There’s more in Breaking Dawn - the Volturi come back, for one thing - but these are the main amazing events that demand this book to be turned into a film. I will not rest until I have seen a movie in which a werewolf falls in love with a baby. Hell, once I’ve seen a werewolf fall in love with a baby I may quit movie watching - I will have seen the ultimate culmination of a century of cinema. The entire film of Breaking Dawn would play like the weirdest exploitation film since Doris Wishman died - brutal sex, bizarre body horror, unbelievable pedophilia.

A werewolf falling in love with a baby. This is why Thomas Edison invented this shit in the first place. So we could see a werewolf fall in love with a baby.

I would pay money to see a David Cronenberg directed Twilight movie. No questions.

hellaposer: My buddy, and ridiculously talented artist, Allen...

Tue, 01 Dec 2009 09:05:16 -0500

hellaposer:

My buddy, and ridiculously talented artist, Allen Hampton painted a Metroid mural downtown. All aerosol cans.

I approve.

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-11-29)

Mon, 30 Nov 2009 14:27:21 -0500

My Top 5 Artists (Week Ending 2009-11-29):

Imported from Last.fm Tumblr by JoeLaz

Happy Thanksgiving (a day late).

Fri, 27 Nov 2009 10:45:46 -0500

Happy Thanksgiving (a day late).